If Only…
John Krasinksi’s first foray into family fare falls on the imaginary rather than imaginative side of the fence.
IF
Director: John Krasinski • Writer: John Krasinski
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Cailey Fleming, Fiona Shaw, John Krasinski, Alan Kim, Liza Colón-Zayas, Bobby Moynihan, Steve Carell
USA • 1hr 44mins
Opens Hong Kong May 16 • I
Grade: B
It takes a certain kind of ice cold bitchiness to crap all over a movie like IF, a movie so well-intentioned and sweet-natured it’s legitimately hard to take offence at its stupider elements and minor irritations, which admittedly blow up into full-on maddening proportions by the end. So in the spirit of understanding and respect for something that’s not a remake, reboot or spin-off of an existing IP, I’ll only crap on it a little bit.
According to A Quiet Place producer-writer-director-star John Krasinski’s latest, an IF is the imaginary friend we all had as kids (sorry, missed that one, but I have plenty now, does that count?) but who we forgot when we grew up and got lives. To this point the media’s most memorable IF has been Bing Bong from Inside Out, and possibly Mr Snuffleupagus, though he’s real. It’s just no one else ever sees him. So kudos to Krasinski for picking up the baton – in part because he wanted to make a film his kids could watch. There’s just one problem: none of the IFs in IF are as memorable as Bing Bong or Snuffy. The VFX are smashing, the aim is true, and the film features a murderer’s row of A-listers ensuring voice actors remain obsolete as the various toys, stuffed animals and… things that make up the crew of IFs. But Krasinski’s script gives them so little character they fade from memory minutes after the lights come up.
He only Reynolds-es a bit
IF starts with that tried and true video prologue montage of a little girl, Bea, with her parents (Krasinski and Alexandra’s sister Catharine Daddario) in happy, happy times before mom (who remains nameless) dies. Judging from the head scarf she dies of cancer. Smash cut to five-odd years later and now 12-year-old “I’m not a kid” Bea (Cailey Fleming, serviceable) is moving into her evidently-stinking-rich grandmother’s (the inimitable Fiona Shaw, Killing Eve, Andor) sprawling, eclectic-chic Brooklyn brownstone flat while her dad moves into a hospital for heart surgery. Yup. History’s repeating and the fashion-forward Bea is stressed, try as she does to hide that. It’s not long before she finds intruders in a vacant flat upstairs – which is in fact not vacant. IF placement handler Cal (The Lesser Canadian Ryan, Reynolds) and his collection of patterned shirts lives there with a bunch of client IFs, including Blossom (Phoebe Waller-Bridge), a butterfly-ish thing who was grandma’s IF, and Blue (Steve Carell), a furry purple beast desperate to find a new kid. Against his better judgement Cal takes Bea under his sartorial wing to train her in IF placement – at Coney Island of all places – and if you can’t figure out where this is going you need to see more movies.
IF’s success comes down to how much we connect with Cailey – who is something of an enigma throughout, all brassy sassy one second and “Wah! I want my mommy!” the next – and indeed the imaginary friends. The aforementioned murderer’s row includes Louis Gossett Jr, Emily Blunt (I think she knows the director), Matt Damon, Jon Stewart, Sam Rockwell, Awkwafina (because the 28th amendment states voice casts must include her), George Clooney and Bradley Cooper, among others, none of whom leave an impression. Even Reynolds tones down the insufferability, leaving him with no personality whatsoever.
Conveniences and contrivances get in the way too frequently to really let us immerse ourselves in IF’s world. Seriously, how does granny afford either the rent or the property taxes on that apartment? Why is Bea always allowed to run amok in Brooklyn after dark, alone. Did the Asian kid down the hall in the hospital really have to get a dragon as an IF? Why isn’t this funnier? IF’s best joke is in the cast credits for “Keith”. How many suspenders does Cal have? And good thing all the IFs long lost kids were in the supporting cast. But the film’s loaded with messages about the power – and necessity – of imagination, the comfort found in indulging our more childlike impulses and the value of understanding when, and how fast, to grow up. Its heart truly is in the right place. It’s not going to make anyone forget Bing Bong, but kids are likely to find the various IFs cute enough to invest in – though not very young kids judging from the shrieks of terror from a wee one in the back row at the preview. Seems Blue was a bit much for him. — DEK